Often when individuals analysis, report on, or write about sexual addiction, feminine sex addicts are ignored.
While there are seemingly many causes for this, it’s largely because of myths that we hold in our tradition about women and sex addiction. Some of probably the most pervasive (and damaging) myths about women and sex addition are:
- Females do not turn into sexually addicted. Not solely is that this a fantasy, however it serves to maintain women feeling remoted and alone of their addiction, and additionally retains them from searching for remedy.
- Women are solely “relationship addicts” or “love addicts” not sex addicts. While it could be true that sex addiction is advanced and pertains to relationship or love deficits or wants, that is true of all sex addicts and doesn’t take away from the truth that the first car is sexual.
- The motivation for females who act-out is neediness. Again that is based mostly on cultural stereotypes of women. For most feminine sex addicts, the first motivation is energy – to beat or grasp trauma comparable to sexual or emotional abuse – or loneliness – to try to fight the results of emotional neglect.
- A girl’s sex addiction is clear. Women typically search assist in therapy for different circumstances (as with a male sex addicts, there are sometimes different scientific points) and by no means discuss in regards to the sex addiction. This is partially because of shame and isolation but additionally as a result of assumptions many therapists make as a result of their shopper is a girl.
- The life penalties of a sex addiction are the identical for males as for women. Many of the life penalties are the identical for women as for males (comparable to lack of relationships, monetary loss, and so forth), however women additionally generally face further penalties, comparable to abortion due to unplanned pregnancy, STDs, distinctive societal stigma and distinctive disgrace felt by their male companion.
- The similar diagnostic questions may be employed to see if a girl has a sex addiction as are used with a person. Often women use language otherwise to explain their conduct and due to this fact might not self-identify as sex addicted. For instance, somewhat than asking, “Do you have interaction in nameless sex?” you may ask “Are you sexual with somebody you will have simply met?”
There is usually a high-quality line between what could also be thought of acceptable or “wholesome” sexual conduct and what might be thought of sexually addictive or compulsive; that is particularly complicated for women, as a result of our tradition has so many blended messages for women about sex and sexuality. However, the criteria we’d use to establish sex addition in a girl are much like figuring out it in a person:
- The lack of ability to manage a sexual conduct (comparable to an lack of ability to cease despite guarantees to self or others to take action, despite intervals of with the ability to cease).
- Continued conduct despite unfavorable penalties (comparable to terror or disgrace, decreased work productivity, monetary pressure, lack of relationship, depression, substance or meals abuse).
- Obsessive ideas in planning or acquiring sex (neglecting household, relationship, or career due to time spent preoccupied with sex or sexual companions).
- The signs of sexual addiction for women are normally cumulative. The girl might at first suppose that she’s having fun with a diverse sex life with a variety of males, or that it is positively feeding her self esteem; the conduct might begin as a teen. Over time it turns into extraordinarily tough to cease the patterns of sexual behaviors that get established. All addictions are usually repetitive, worsen over the course of years, make the individual really feel uncontrolled, and are used as a canopy for one thing else the individual will not be coping with of their life … and finally threaten to destroy what the individual cares about. Sex addiction isn’t any exception to this.If a girl frequently engages in sex with strangers, has harmful affairs, can solely really feel pleasure via sadomasochistic acts and normally really feel depressed or melancholic “the morning after,” these are indicators that she might have a sex addiction. Further, if her sexual behaviors may simply give her a sexually transmitted illness, be a supply of violence in others or result in the dissolution of marital or parenting partnerships, and she continues to persist in such actions anyway, then her addiction is probably going much more severe. Sex addiction in women is actual, and could cause the identical stage of misery as in males, if no more so. The extra readily our society acknowledges this difficulty as reputable and necessary, the extra women can get the assistance and help they want.
These steps are one of many that have proven successful in the treatment of Sex Addiction.
If you would like to discuss this topic with a professional in the field of Sex Addiction please click the chat box on the lower right corner, drop me a note in the contact us page or if your needs are more urgent don’t hesitate to contact me at (630) 388-8158.
Be well, Murray Carlson NCLC, SRC